I think im going to throw up on grandma
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
