How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
