Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize