All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
