So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
