Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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