Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I sprained my soul last night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
