I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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