Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
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