wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
