My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
