When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
