just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
