My first STD was from a foam party
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
