my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am naked and annoyed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
