You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
