oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
