i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize