Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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