i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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