I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
