you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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