it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
