Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
