Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
