porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
