I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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