Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
