Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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