so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You took a bar mat shot.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize