My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
