Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
