Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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