I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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