dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
