I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
