I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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