OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
