And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
wow bdsm is so cute
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
