i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
