Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
