people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
