I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
