come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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