I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
now i know why i became what i already was.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
