her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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