Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
