Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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