I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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