Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
