apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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