so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
