I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
