Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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