I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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