yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Text me some of your sweat
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