You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
