my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
