yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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