Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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