I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
