the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
