just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We are two peas in an std pod
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
