She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
