Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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