Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
