I hate all girls vehemently.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
